


One shot, two shot, red shot, flu shot

by iarrannme



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Flu, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Influenza, Irondad, Medical, Multi, Needles, Public Service Announcements - Freeform, Science, The Avengers Are Good Bros, Virus, infectious disease, vaccination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-10-21 00:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20684288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iarrannme/pseuds/iarrannme
Summary: Spider-Man makes a cheesy PSA about getting his flu vaccine (because Peter wants to impress MJ even if he can’t do it as himself) and gets as many of his Avenger buddies as he can to do their own.  Pretty sure Cap is just yanking his chain, but Thor takes it Very Seriously.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m ignoring various deaths/agings and basically including anyone I felt like. Not at all defining when in the timeline we are, but Peter and MJ are still in the mutual crushing-and-pining stage and Peter hasn’t told MJ he’s Spider-Man.
> 
> Leave me a note if you have funny inspiration you want me to work in!
> 
> Needles and shots get mentioned but I don’t do any graphic description. (Also, while I support you getting your flu shot if you can, I have no financial stake in it. Wishing everyone good health as the Northern Hemisphere heads into flu season!)

The Avengers’ common room was quiet. Peter shut his physics book with a sigh. “FRIDAY, turn on local news, please.”

The TV showed a reporter in front of a walk-in clinic, announcing, “Flu shots are available, and local health officials urge all who are able to get vaccinated.” The camera panned past a line of waiting people. A mustachioed old man handed out brownies to those leaving, saying “from Marjorie to say thanks, ’cause she can’t get the shot herself – hey! Punk! No brownie unless you got the shot!”

Peter suddenly sat up straight. Behind the old man, there’d been a very familiar girl – ignoring the camera in favor of her reading, which she was bench-pressing slowly above her head, pausing periodically to turn a page. The large, completely full three-ring binder was clearly labeled: “PEER-REVIEWED EVIDENCE THAT VACCINES DON’T CAUSE AUTISM.” So…this was something MJ cared about. That gave him an idea…

* * *

Pepper raised an eyebrow at her inbox. She didn’t know or care how many thousands of messages sat in the unfiltered version; that was what AI and administrative assistants were for. This was the stuff supposedly worth her time, and it was unusual to say the least to find multiple emails from Peter in it, each with a more excited subject line than the last: “good idea!”, “theyre doing it omg heres the first two,” “so awesome you gotta see these” and finally “PEPPER PLS RELEASE ALL THESE PLS PLS,” followed by a single email from Bruce: “yes, look at Peter’s stuff.”

Looked like a series of videos. Well, why not, she needed a break from budgets and it was late anyway…

[1]

Spider-Man sat in the Avengers Tower medical bay, with a nurse holding a needle. He’d made his suit nanotech clear a patch on his arm. As the nurse swabbed his skin with an alcohol pad, Spider-Man looked into the camera. “Hey everybody! Nurse Doug here is helping me make this video of me getting my flu shot! I’m not worried about getting sick myself, but I wanna make super sure I don’t spread flu to anyone else! Help me protect our neighborhood – get your vaccine if you can, because some of us can’t!” The nurse administered the shot quickly and smoothly, then put an Iron Man bandage over the barely-visible spot. “Also, then you have an excuse to wear a totally awesome bandage! Nurse Doug and I are gonna see how many other Avengers we can get to make these flu shot videos – let’s start with Dr. Banner!” Spider-Man and the nurse loaded a bag with supplies and gave the camera thumbs-up.

The associated email said only, “getting a shot with enhanced-sensitivity touch HURTS, tried really hard not to wince so i wouldnt scare any kids.”

[2]

This one was shot on the Avengers Tower landing pad. Dr. Banner was nowhere to be seen, but Thor stood posed heroically, cloak and hair blowing in the wind, armor gleaming, bare arms positioned just so to show off muscles and a bandage on which clouds and lightning bolts had been crudely drawn in black marker.

Thor spoke slowly and majestically. “I am Thor of Asgard, God of Thunder, sworn to protect this world! This is my axe, Storm-Breaker.” He hefted it right-handed, looking ready to rush into battle against any foe, then lowered it. “But not every enemy can be defeated thus. The small yet mighty Man of Spiders has shown me another danger, and led me also to become the weapon to defeat it!” He raised his left arm, bent and tensed to make his bicep bulge, then turned it to the camera to show off the bandage. “Behold: Flu-Slayer!” He raised Storm-Breaker to the sky. Dark clouds began to circle overhead, and his eyes began to glow brightly.

From off camera came Spider-Man’s voice. “Uh, Thor, we don’t really need – axes don’t usually work on viruses – and nobody else can do the lightning bit, that’s not what the PSA’s supposed to get them to do –”

Thor lowered Storm-Breaker somewhat reluctantly, allowing the clouds to dissipate and his glowing eyes to dim. “If you are certain, Man of Spiders.”

“Super sure. Uh, maybe tell them Flu-Slayer’s origin story?”

“Ah! Well! Humans of Midgard, you too can become Flu-Slayer! You need only find brave Nurse Doug or one of his valorous colleagues, with his mighty needle, his swabs of cleansing, and his sticky little brown shields of courage upon which you can draw your own heraldic devices and sigils of power!” He showed off his arm again. “The heroic ritual is not without pain, but it is brief, my friends, and no bar to the mighty and brave!” He reached off-camera and pulled Nurse Doug to him for a rough one-armed embrace, pressing Nurse Doug’s face awkwardly into his side. “I charge you all, seek the magical anti-flu serum and those who can dispense it! Mark your arms with the sticky little shields, that we may recognize and nod gravely to one another in the streets! Join with me to defeat this tiny yet loathsome enemy!” He lowered his voice. “Is – is that good? Usually after a rousing pre-battle exhortation I get to slam my axe into things or blast them with lightning – not really sure where to go with this now –”

Spider-Man’s hasty reassurance that it’s fine and they’ll edit out that last bit cut off abruptly.

[3]

The camera seemed to have been left on the floor, looking out over the landing pad. Some distance away at the pad’s edge stood the Hulk, Thor, Spider-Man and (several feet back) Nurse Doug, fidgeting with the straps of his supply bag. Only the wind could be heard. Thor showed Hulk his bandage, flexing his left arm, raised Storm-Breaker and otherwise performed _excited_ and _heroic_ for all he was worth. The Hulk’s eyebrows lowered and he shook his head. Spider-Man gestured to his own arm, Thor’s arm, and Nurse Doug, mimed getting a quick swab, shot and bandage, speaking all the while, then gestured to Nurse Doug to approach. Nurse Doug swallowed nervously, then stepped slowly closer, reluctantly pulling out a roll of gauze, a pack of brightly colored markers, and a huge syringe. The Hulk appeared interested in the first two items, but at the sight of the syringe he roared. Nurse Doug backpedaled rapidly, stuffing the syringe back in the bag. Thor and Spider-Man also stepped back, putting themselves between the Hulk and Nurse Doug. The Hulk was obscured by the other three, but the view shook a few times, then quieted. Thor and Spider-Man relaxed, then stepped aside for Dr. Banner, who stalked past the camera muttering, “You big green idiot! We could’ve had enough gauze to draw something really cool on, but thanks to you **_I_** have to get the shot and we’re gonna wind up with just a little bandage! No, you may NOT come out, you can just sit there and take it like I’ll have to, you big wimp.”

[4]

Nurse Doug’s hands shook, but Dr. Banner took the shot calmly, saying to the camera, “Hey everybody, let’s talk about [math and herd immunity](https://www.quantamagazine.org/flu-vaccines-and-the-math-of-herd-immunity-20180205/), ‘cause Spider-Man wants me to do the cool science part of this. So, some diseases are really contagious. One way we keep them from taking over is by making them act less contagious – by vaccinating, we reduce the average number of times each sick person passes the disease on to someone else, so disease spread becomes a linear process instead of exponential. A disease like the influenza epidemic of 1918 would’ve needed a vaccination rate between 50% and 67% of the population, and measles is so contagious it needs between 91.7% and 94.4% vaccination to prevent outbreaks. So if you can get vaccinated, please do! You’re not just protecting yourself – you’re doing math! Math against disease!” He lowered his voice and looked off-camera. “Too nerdy, too facty?” Nurse Doug handed him a lollipop and a green marker.

“No, no, Dr. Banner, this was perfect! This is so cool, I never knew this part before! Do you think we should show the equation with R0 and all that?” Spider-Man sounded completely bouncy.

“No, I think there’s a pretty small audience for that –” He unwrapped the lollipop, stuck it in his mouth, and uncapped the marker. His next words didn’t seem to be addressed to Spider-Man. “Forget it, ya big green goob, I got the shot, I get the lollipop.” He started drawing awkwardly on his bandage. “Good idea though, I’ll send Pepper a note endorsing it. Now go find someone else, Nurse Doug is gonna knock something over if he stands here twitching much longer.”

[5]

Quicksilver gave the camera a cheerful smile. “I held still long enough for Nurse Doug to give me my flu shot, and if I can do it, you can do it!” He turned back. “Hey, Nurse Doug! Teach me to give the shots! Once I’m good at doing it slow I bet I can do it fast!”

Nurse Doug did not look entirely sure that this was a good idea.

[6]

Hawkeye sat on a couch in the Avengers common room, arms crossed, frowning.

Black Widow sat next to him, addressing the camera calmly. “If your friend is afraid of needles –”

“ – ’m not afraid, just don’t like them –” Hawkeye grabbed a clipboard from the coffee table and started filling out a consent form.

“– you can offer to go with them –” Black Widow ignored the interruption as Nurse Doug prepared Hawkeye’s shot.

“– they make me woozy –” Hawkeye scrawled a signature and dropped the clipboard back on the table.

“– because that’s more ethical than sneaking into their locked room at night and administering the vaccine without their consent.”

A silver streak shot through the frame, taking the clipboard with it –

“This is why I sleep – ”

– the streak returned, snatched the shot from Nurse Doug’s hand, administered it and zoomed away again.

“– in the vents! HEY!”

An off-camera voice laughed, “Bet you weren’t expecting that, old man.”

[7]

Captain America, in full regalia, hands on hips, direct to the camera: “So, you’re thinking about getting your flu vaccine. Let me tell you, needles full of mysterious substances can be life-changing!”

Spder-Man, off camera: “Cut! Uh, Cap, can we maybe reword that?”

The recording cut out and restarted.

Captain America, in full regalia, hands on hips, direct to the camera: “Well, folks, getting shots changed my life, let me tell you. And the flu vaccine may not be super-serum, but it’s your chance to be a hero today! So just remember, if you’re on fire, stop, drop, and – uh, wait, sorry, can we do that again?”

The recording cut out and restarted.

Captain America, in full regalia, hands on hips, direct to the camera: “Hi folks, I’m Captain America. Usually I use my left arm to hold my shield, but today I’m using it to shield my fellow Americans, by getting my flu shot! And I urge you to do the same!”

Bucky wandered into view.

Captain America: “My friend Bucky will get his flu shot today too!”

Bucky, startled: “Yeah, no can do. Metal arm.” He tapped it. _Clink_.

Captain America: “Ah, but your right arm is flesh, and just like me, the flu shot can swing both ways!”

Bucky gave Cap a WTF look, then cracked up laughing, nearly falling over. Cap briefly tried to maintain his clean-cut-hero face but quickly lost it. The two hung on each other, snorting and giggling.

Spider-Man, off-camera: “Cut!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what I did today! (My generic bandaid is very boring though, need to decorate.) Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t actually expect to add to this, but my family requested this scene and helped me figure it out, so here y’all go.

[8]

Spider-Man waved at the camera. “Hi everybody! Mr. Stark is next! C’mon, Nurse Doug, FRIDAY says he’s in this lab…” The camera switched to show a door, which slid open smoothly.

Tony stood in the middle of a complex holographic display. He glanced at his visitors, then pointed at Nurse Doug. “Nope. Got it last year. Out.”

The audio barely picked up Nurse Doug muttering to himself, “C’mon, he’s not the Hulk, you can do this.” His words directly to Tony were more audible: “Different strains become common each year. Last year’s shot won’t protect you this year.”

Tony snorted. “That’s stupid. Why hasn’t anyone solved this? Why do I have to solve everything?”

Spider-Man set the camera down and wandered into view to examine the display. “Mr. Stark, there _are_ scientists spending their careers on it. Like trying to make it target the hemagglutinin stem on the –”

“Why haven’t they done it yet, then? C’mon, chop chop.”

Spider-Man sounded exasperated. “Because science takes time! You can’t just wave your hands and it’s done!”

“That’s how _I_ always do it.”

“Fine. How are you fixing this all by yourself then?”

“Implantable nanobot vaccine factory. Every year you update the software and it manufactures the thing, _done_. In fact it could do any vaccine. Goodbye, polio. Goodbye, smallpox.”

“Smallpox is already gone,” Nurse Doug offered.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Fine. _Done_. Goodbye, measles. Goodbye, whooping cough. Goodbye –”

“OK, Mr. Stark, but how are you going to get it to everyone?” Spider-Man prodded.

Tony smirked. “Repulsor-driven individual homing syringe drones, _done_.”

“That’s a very disturbing series of words, Mr. Stark.”

“Yes, Underoos, and that’s why I love it. Now they just need acronyms.”

“Tell you what, Mr. Stark, you’ve got a year for design and testing, and do _I_ need to give _you_ the talk about consent? Finally pay you back for the one you gave me. But this year, you still need to get your flu shot.”

Tony grumbled, but winked at the camera when Spider-Man wasn’t looking. “Fine.” He sat down at a lab bench and rolled his sleeve up. As Nurse Doug gave the shot, Tony checked that Spider-Man was still distracted, then picked out a Spider-Man bandage. He stuck it on his injection site and rolled his sleeve back down over it. “All right, Charlotte: flu shot, done. Go vaccinate a cat. Or do I need to design homing syringe drones for them too?”

“What - Mr. Stark, no -”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to the actual scientists, doctors, nurses, pharmacists, clerical/administrative staff, volunteers, suppliers, everyone else who makes vaccine delivery possible, and everyone who gets a shot.
> 
> Peter knows [stuff](https://www.niaid.nih.gov/diseases-conditions/universal-influenza-vaccine-research), apparently.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one exists thanks to [seyma_dorr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seyma_dorr/pseuds/seyma_dorr), who commented about MJ being the most important part of the story. Thank you!

_From: Pepper Potts <CEO@StarkIndustries.com>_

_To: Peter Parker <iron_minion@StarkIndustries.com>_

_THANK YOU for getting Tony to get his shot the easy way. (He didn’t tell you that “Got it last year” and Natasha’s comment about sneaking into someone’s locked room to administer it are … not unrelated.)_

_These shouldn’t be put out under SI’s brand, though; we just opened our first carbon-neutral vaccine production facility, so it would look like advertising rather than the community service you intended. Talk to Tony if you want them on the main Avengers social media accounts, or put them on Spidey’s._

_I’ve got PR working on a statement disavowing any SI involvement in the development of “repulsor-driven individual homing syringe drones.” Tony and I are going to have a Talk._

_Pepper_

The videos had gone live at 6 am. Peter was so distracted reading comments and watching views accumulate that he didn’t pay attention to MJ until he sat down. Then something about the last few seconds caught his attention, and he tried to replay them in his mind. She’d … just closed her laptop … and right before that … he’d heard his own voice in her earbuds?

“’Sup, dork,” MJ said, barely bothering to make it a question. “Spend any time on the web this morning?”

He blinked. What was she – oh. The internet. Ha ha, yes, the internet. “Uh, no?”

“Shame. I gave it a shot and my subway ride just flew by.”

Had she been emphasizing certain words? “Uh, I was … studying? In case we had a surprise quiz today?”

“That’s a very disturbing series of words.”

Why did that sound so familiar? Her face was nearly blank, but her heart rate was up. “Yeah, I hate surprise quizzes, I bombed the last one. I mean, we could study together?” Oh god oh god why did words come out of his mouth when he wasn’t paying attention to them. “I mean, with Ned?”

She nodded nonchalantly. (She was messing with him. She had to be. ) “Yeah, sure, good idea. Because studying takes time. You can’t just wave your hands and it’s done.”

He caught the flash of a smirk on her face. _The PSAs_. _That_ was what he’d heard as he arrived, and she had clearly figured out – “What – MJ, no –” Except, crap, that was just how he’d ended the last one – He froze, staring at her.

She leaned over and lowered her voice. “Do _I_ need to give _you_ the talk about keeping secrets?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, seyma_dorr, it doesn't _exactly_ answer every question you had, but you can assume in any universe I write Peter and MJ would get together eventually. And even though MJ never comes out and says she likes the videos, I think we all know she messes with people she dislikes very differently than she is messing with Peter here. :)


End file.
